Tickety-boo

Tickety-boo. People in England say this thing to mean everything is OK.

I'm somewhat embarrassed by my heritage.

Tiger, the Wonder Cat

Curmudgeons aren't big on feelings 
and emotions and all that crap.

But there is Tiger, the Wonder cat. He is 10 years old today. He rules the universe, he commands the neighborhood, indoors he plays like a kitten. 

He is beyond belief. The local vet can't get him to stop purring long enough for a heart test. 

Heart test? This little guy is beyond that. He's a trooper, and, like we curmudgeons, not about to quit. 

They Still Permit Massachusetts Driving

Although I ran across this picture wandering the Internet and its location wasn't specified, I just know, deep down in my soul, that it was taken in Massachusetts. 

Last week I revealed the secret instructions all Massachusetts drivers receive, so it would come as no surprise whatsoever that some enterprising driver managed this feat. 

There is just no way to hide from them. 

Stadium Sound

It's the sixties. You are the most popular rock & roll group in the world. You are playing Shea stadium in New York. Apparently a big thing in the 60s.

I'm talking about, of course, the Beatles. They played their hearts out. And they couldn't hear each other over the screaming fans.

Re-read that last bit: they couldn't hear each other.

They, before "wall of sound" technology, had guitars plugged into those little speaker boxes. And used them to the max. But, we're talking a stadium filled with screaming fans, and the band's sound couldn't drown out the fan's sound.

Ringo once said he just smiled and banged away, hoping he was at least close to the singing. 

Beautiful. 

Baiting Siri

Anybody with a reasonably modern iPhone now has Siri standing at the ready to help. For those of you who have actually mastered the use of Siri - well done!

I find Siri somewhat limited. Half my queries go right over her head and I end up having to type my questions in as if she wasn't there. And you don't want to piss her off by insulting her capabilities because the next time you say "set the alarm for 6am tomorrow" she will probably quietly set it for 7pm a week from Thursday just to get even. 

And it's remarkably easy to confuse Siri. I mostly do it by simply asking her to search for something - the answers she comes up with! Hilarious. And wrong virtually every time (the Google lady is much more accurate). 

So, I spend my time baiting Siri. Like asking her to tell me the name of a song on the car radio while she is watching the phone line. She sort of smokes a little and dials a random number. 

Always good for a laugh while driving. 

The Visiminder

You are looking at a still from that grand scifi movie The Invasion of the Body Snatchers. A surprisingly domestic scene for a movie about alien invaders, I just had to take this shot for the stove. 

Yes, the stove. It was 1956. Tappan had just introduced this fine stove, the Visiminder. You'll note the burners are to the back, affording some convenient workspace up front for utensils and such. And unlike way too many modern stoves, the controls are up front, not on the back panel where you have to reach over whatever is cooking to adjust them. 

In addition, the stove had two ovens, a broiler, a "Visitimer," a "Visiguide" (a quick reference guide right there on the stove for the correct temperature for various meats) and 5 (count 'em) pilots. 

How do I know all this? You're no doubt thinking my family had one while I was growing up. Not so!

It was the stove in my current home in 1985 when we bought it. It was still going strong. 

You Rang, Sir

I miss this. The butler - no doubt named Jeeves or Hobson or some such - appearing 'on your six' quietly wondering what he could do to satisfy your current whim. Or you giving the bellpull in the drawing room a quick tug for a refill of your postprandial brandy. 

I say I miss that, but of course, 'missing' suggests I ever had it. Sadly, only in my dreams. Many curmudgeons WISH we had faithful butlers, but we do not. We are way too cheap. 

And thus, Sainted wives - a tad mercurial, but they have their moments. 

There Will Always Be The New Yorker

When Pictures Say 1,000 Words

Cowboys & Indians

You no doubt suspect that, because of our age, we old fart curmudgeons are fans of classic 1950s Cowboy & Indian movies. Nothing could be further from the truth.

In addition to being incredibly lame, these movies merely serve to remind us of a very sorry chapter in our history...unless you're into manifest destiny and ethnic cleansing and all.

To see them pop up on TV - with or without John Wayne - is just an unpleasant reminder of how insensitive American thinking was even in the 1950s: Cowboys were always the good guys and those pesky Indians the bad guys.
       

Let's face it - the only worthy Cowboys & Indians show was F Troop.

They Still "Drive" In Massachusetts

Lest we ever forget what it is to drive in Massachusetts, I have obtained a top-secret instructional document from their driving test.

It speaks for itself.

So, should you be innocently driving about and you encounter this sign:

                   

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Math

Let's face it, not everyone is cut out for mathematics. Infamously, even the talking Barbie doll once proclaimed "math is HARD."

Back in my school days - when men were men and brains were required - it was a lucky day if we could bring our slide rules to a test. Today, you can bring calculators, textbooks and your personal math coaches along.

For this doomed math student, there is no hope. Fancy calculator in hand, he has arrived at that point in time when he should consider switching majors. Or maybe think about a vocational school.