Canoe

I keep seeing these ads for something called "Axe" - apparently a body scent for young men.  I know this only because my nephew slathers it on with wild abandon.

Well, we had "scents" when I was a kid, too.  But they weren't namby-pamby "body lotions," they were proper after shaves or colognes.  And the big one was Canoe.  You knew you had reached dating age when you were permitted to slap some of THAT on.

You learned real quick not to lay it on too thick, unless you wanted an unapproachable "scent zone" surrounding you.  This is a lesson that the makers of Axe don't want today's kids to learn, seeing as how it would dip into profits.  With Canoe, a little dab would do you.  Perhaps that's why, when I recently googled "Canoe," a reviewer said "My mother gave me a bottle at 16 and I still use it at 68."

Quite a bottle.

Programmable Thermostats

My recent incisive remarks on the annoying difficulties of changing the settings on the myriad of digital clocks I have because of Daylight Savings applies to digital thermostats as well.  They are so non-intuitive that one must keep the manual taped to the wall right next to them to effect changes.

I thought I was technologically on top of things when I got mine.  Once through the admittedly tedious process of programming it, I only had to consult the manual twice a year to remind myself how to change the damn clock for Daylight Savings.

I just read that the government even tumbled to the conclusion that so few owners can figure out how to program them, they were removed from their list of energy saving devices.  They no doubt merely had to survey their own office employees to discover this, but kudos anyway.

The Mail

Having just weathered yet another postal increase, a new mail  "crisis" has emerged: ending Saturday delivery.  It's a crisis because the postal workers have created it: they don't want to give up an extra day each week of their favorite pastime: shooting at each other.

No seriously, they worry about their job security.  Well guess what?  Times are changing.  I know of nobody - even in the Curmudgeon fraternity - who cares much about losing Saturday deliveries.  First class mail is virtually nonexistent and waiting until Monday for the inevitable rash of bills sounds pretty good.

So here I am, in Command Central, watching a commercial from postal workers pleading with us to save Saturday deliveries.  A TV commercial.  Boy, their union must be flush with our cash.

Hair "Product"

Since when has the stuff guys put in their hair to hold it in place been called "product?"  With barbers becoming an endangered species, I now go to a "Family Salon" to get my 5-minute haircut.  I'm always asked at the end "Would you like some product in your hair?" as if my thinning, remaining hair would somehow be the better for it.

In my youth, we did have stuff for our hair, but it was manly stuff.  Vitalis.  Brylcream.  Our favorite?  O'dell's Hair Trainer.  A nice, clear liquid, you put it in your hair, combed it just the way you wanted it (taking a Fonzie moment to make that final check) and then: LET IT SET.

Yes, it set up like invisible cement.  That hair was going nowhere.  Big brother Buzz's stylish pompadour was good all day - gym included.

Regrettably, any girl that ran her hand through his hair on a date would need the jaws of life to extricate her.  Maybe that's why I haven't seen it around anymore.

March Madness Revisited

Having my TV viewing schedule ONCE AGAIN messed with, I thought I would simply reprint my complaints from last year, since I expressed myself so well.

(This Curmudgeon Repor was originally published on 3/31/12)

I am so mad about this "madness" that I can hardly see straight.  As a curmudgeon, I don't even like it when US Presidents interrupt TV for various speeches, especially since rebutters and news "analysis" generally follow, adding nothing but tedium to the overall spectacle.

So I looked into this madness thing.  Apparently, it is nothing more than college basketball playoffs.  And this is worthy of interrupting my usual TV schedule?  Worse, there may have been a Matlock or Murder She Wrote marathon planned.  If I wanted to watch basketball, I would have gone to a game or subscribed to some weird college-covering cable channel.

But no - valuable major network time is squandered on this stuff.  This clearly demonstrates the value of "major network time."