The Speeding Ticket

I speed when I drive. There, I've admitted it. When you own BMWs for 30-odd years, you drive performance vehicles for a reason. And I take advantage of their performance. The only time I DON'T speed is when I get stuck behind some doofus GOING the speed limit.

Back in 1979, when I first got my little 320, I quickly racked up a few tickets. So I got savvy. It wasn't until 35 years of speeding later that I got my next one. As ever, it was bogus - I go as fast as the road situation permits. "Speed limits" are for your average driver with kids in a minivan. I'm very careful: pedestrians? Don't speed. Empty stretch of road? Anything goes. On a deserted winding mountain park road that claims a 25mph speed limit? I was over 45 and not about to let up.

I'll let slide that they've apparently given park police cars - in my day, they were on horseback and were no match for a car zipping by. But I'll have to accept this nod to the times.

Today's story is not about that, though - it's about paying the ticket online. While it's nice to see that the county government lets you do it online these days, it is beyond comprehension that their web site is only open during certain hours of the day. WTF!?

You gotta give it to government - with every step forward, they manage to stumble.

Culture

Why is crap like opera, art shows and plays considered culture? I just don't get it. These things range from boring (art shows) to downright offensive (opera).

And yet there is a tendency for people to think that those who go to this stuff are "cultured." I beg to differ. It seems to me they merely enjoy being bored.

As much as I am loath to recognize it and as much as I have railed against it, we here in the good ole U.S. of A. define sports and competitive singing TV shows as central to our culture. Like it or not: there it is. Those few who patronize museums and opera houses are the odd ones.

Yet there are those who astonishingly refer to these people as the "cultured." Balderdash.

Red Hat Society

I did not need to learn about this. I was innocently out to dinner with some friends and someone brings up this Red Hat Society thing. I had never heard of it. They seemed surprised, as if I SHOULD know about it.

Well, gol-durn it, I know how to Google, so I look it up. Whoa. It's for real. Old ladies in red hats AND PURPLE DRESSES get together for teas. I shit you not. They have chapters, a mission, annual meetings and everything. What utter rot.

Old ladies. With some kind of common set of interests. Getting together. Publicizing their beliefs. What a bizarre concept, although there is something vaguely familiar about it...

Saay, maybe we curmudgeons could spiff up our image with a uniform...and a hat.

New Restaurants

There are many pleasures in dining out - professionally prepared food (by someone else), nice dishes and cutlery (that you don't have to clean) and such. There are perils as well - dodgy service, fellow diners with attire that is a frontal sensory assault, and of late: lots and lots of noise.

Some new restaurants seem to have been designed to let sound bounce around to its heart's content. You have to talk louder, your dining companions talk louder, EVERYBODY talks louder. And please note: I'm not even bringing up idiots who bring uncontrollable toddlers who end up screaming. Rather, I'm simply talking about adults trying to talk over the background noise.

My Sainted wife and I recently made the mistake of inadvertantly discovering one of these wonders - right under our noses here in town, much to our surprise and dismay. Frankly, I don't care if there are cockroaches in the kitchen as long as I don't know, so I find current State 'restaurant health' signs worthless.

But deafening noise where I eat? THAT should be a required warning.

Neanderthals

As a curmudgeonly oldster, I have time to watch informative historical specials on TV in addition to a full schedule of Matlocks, Murder, She Wrotes and such.

I recently waded through a documentary that took a look at how early humans likely lived. After an in-depth review, they surmised that Neanderthals weren't the stupid oafs I used to believe they were. They used tools, developed many skills to help control their environment, and practiced social rituals. And heck, they must have had good genes - we still see obvious descendants around us today.

But back in their time, they were able to foil all manner of life-threatening stuff and were well-adapted to survival. That's better than most of us could mange today if we were tossed out into the wilderness.