BMW pt 2

The curmudgeon just realized he didn't finish a point (this technology stuff is hard)


"Point and shoot" was a thrilling concept - see an opening in traffic on the highway? you simply engaged the 300hp engine - more or less by flooring it - and you shot


We're talking about a mid-sized 4-door sedan


The $50K couldn't flow out of my wallet fast enough


AND it still leapt into turns

BMW

Back in 1979, the curmudgeon was looking for a new car.  He was going to trade in his Dodge 1972 Challenger.  Having seen little BMW 320s dart (yes, dart) around him as he commuted in the company Ford station wagon, he went to take a look


The salesman simply tossed him a set of keys and said try it.  As the car leapt - no kidding - leapt into it's first turn, it was bought. The princely cost ($12,000) was the beginning of many more princely sums for BMWs


Its mighty 4-cylinder engine could out-perform the curmudgeon's sainted wife's 280z.  Driving my best friend Bob around in it once, we were approaching a sharp curve, I was zipping along, and Bob did one of those fearful brake motions from the passenger side that driving school teachers worldwide do.  The car, again, simply leapt into the curve.


I don't buy BMWs because they have become status symbols - they still leap into turns.


Back in 1994, the curmudgeon wanted to move further up the BMW food scale.  So, looking at 5 series cars, the salesman said "we call this the point-and-shoot"  model.  Greatly

Tank

The curmudgeon cannot emphasize enough the dangers of sonic density.


A quick, chest compressing music moment is far more dangerous now than when the curmudgeon was in his indestructible 20s.


Tim Spander would often come by my room at Brown - ELP album in hand, just standing in the doorway making tank tread motions (the reason for the visit was obvious - I had the best stereo in the fraternity - Don Loft having taken his Wharfdales off campus).


The fact that I had the keys to the fraternity booze fridge upstairs had, I'm sure, nothing to do with it.


So Tank was on.  Sonic density not for the innocent.


And Pete's pizza truck was always right outside.

Bell Labs

Have you even ever heard of Bell Labs?  The smartest engineers imaginable, inventing the transistor, Unix and a zillion patents


The Company (Ma Bell) worshiped them


In reality, they were like that story of placing monkeys at typewriters and eventually a novel would result:  these were the geekiest of geeks - heck, Arno Penzias was their president for awhile (his apparent qualifications being he won the Nobel Prize for discovering Saturn (or some such)


Enter a new team: us.  The curmudgeon's sainted wife, MBA in BUSINESS MANAGEMENT in hand, who's team developed the Verizon microcell for cellphones that makes AT&Ts service laughable because they didn't buy into the right technology (CDMA, for you curious sorts)


As times started to get tough at Lucent, our dear leaders immediately leapt to the idea - "hey, these Bell Labs guys are smart, right?  Let's let THEM run the business"


Not MBAs in BUSINESS MANAGEMENT, but the geekiest of the geeks


Thank goodness for my pension...

Holiday decorations

Despite being a curmudgeon, he enjoys happy holiday tree lighting - both in and out. 


His sainted wife took great pride in both: she would spend hours getting all those lights correct indoors (hint - you stand back and squint to make sure the tree lights are absolutely perfect.)  


Outdoors, she took great pride in watching the curmudgeon struggling with putting those damned strings up in a tree out front - despite risking his own health and future mobility, up on a rickety stepladder that he was too cheap to replace.  In desperation - and being an engineer by training - he hit upon the idea to use the frog gigger that one of her more bizarre bosses gifted her, and that worked out pretty well.


Feeling proud of his handiwork, he would step back to soak everything in.  His dear neighbor, Gladys Kravitz, kindly made the observation: "Yours, hundreds, her's thousands".  She was comparing my work with a professionally done tree two doors down.


Aah, the holiday spirit - good friends, good eggnog, good neighbors

Finials

"What the hell are finials"?


Forgive the curmudgeon for a rare moment of venting...finials, of course, are those decorative doohickies that replace the simple nut that attaches a lampshade to its lamp.  


The curmudgeon, being an engineer by training, thought the nut perfectly satisfactory.  Hah! Not so! Between finials and fancy silk-lined lampshades (thing 1: you are exposing silk to high heat; thing 2 you are making little spiders, probably in some asian sweat shop make lampshade interiors that will deteriorate within a year), the finials and lampshade ended up costing way more than the lamp itself


Bear in mind, the main purpose of a lamp is - light.   

Eyebrows

The curmudgeon understands that the human form requires hair here and there for friction control and stuff (despite women's eternal effort to defy that)


But, eyebrows?  Although the curmudgeon suspects we would all look pretty scary without them, they have pretty much lost their historical function of shielding the sun.


Unlike his hero, Andy Rooney, the curmudgeon's brows grow down, shielding not just the sun, but eyesight


Don't start me on ear hair

KFC

Leading a rather sheltered childhood, the curmudgeon first encountered the Colonel's delicious fried chicken on a camping trip in North Carolina.  He suspects that just finding refuge from the torrential rains may - may - have contributed to appreciating the Colonel's secret recipe


Fast forward: KFC really does have some good, finger-lickin, heart-stopping, artery clogging fried chicken


But they have so much more - the "double down" places bacon, cheese, and all manner of healthy things between two slabs of his tasty fried chicken.  The curmudgeon has checked it out, research and all, and discovered it is delicious


Then there's the bowl.  I'm not sure the Colonel can ever top this heart-stopper.  It, too, is absolutely delicious (see above reference to research and all)


Even as I write, I am wondering where to find an all-night KFC 

High-tech hijinks

The curmudgeon just moved his printer up from the basement.  No sweat, carry the thing up, plug it in, and you're off!  No more racing downstairs to pick up that valuable coupon from Best Buy


Hah.  Not so simple. It (of course) is wirelessly connect to the pc.  In keeping with the curmudgeon's need for a stronger signal for his hotsy-totsy new Apple TV (waiting every few minutes for it to suck up enough information for the NEXT few minutes of TV was really getting old).  So the Cisco wireless modem had to come up too.  No sweat, it weighs at least 6 or 7 ounces, is the size of, well, a Cisco wireless modem, so up it came - plug it back in and you're off!


Hah.  Not so simple. This "wireless" thing still needs to be wired to the printer.  OK, that's a pretty short wire, but it needs its connection to the internet


So the cable company's modem had to come up.  No sweat, it's the size of a small book, but it needs its feed cable, so the coax had to be unearthed and brought up


Then there's the telephone connection.  I think I need a nap.

Revisited: dishware

One must wonder how I could have forgotten the cheetah-patterned coffee cups, the coffee mugs from London, Singapore, and the brule cups.

The curmudgeon can always hide behind a “senior moment”

Tonight’s topic: dishware

The curmudgeon knows that shouldn’t be much of a topic for the repor, but here are his observations:

Living the gay, carefree life of a single guy, I bought a 4 (6?) piece setting of that indestructible Corelle

Breakfast, lunch, dinner – what a wonder it was.  And indestructible?  I still have it all – it doesn’t stain, it doesn’t break - I don’t think landfills will even accept it – indestructible and all..

The curmudgeon’s dear wife wanted to go upscale, so we have now something like 14 sets of dishware – don’t laugh – I can count.  There are the two “everyday” ones (somehow one everyday one couldn’t quite cut it), of course the formal entertaining ones, the pink depression glass set, the fiesta ware, the special divided plates for beans & franks nights, two assorted bowl collections that still baffle me, the Chinese-night collection, and don’t make me go into the entire extra china cabinet we bought for the rest – the dishware count can only grow

Myself, paper plates are perfectly fine

And, of course, Corelle

Welcome to The Curmudgeon Repor

The Curmudgeon Repor is a new publication authorized by the Curmudgeon Societé Generale. I am replacing the former writer who we thought grumbled too much even for us. 

We want to get the nuances of curmudgeonry across without sounding preachy, but make no mistake - we have a message to get across, and if you stick with me I will endeavor to do so in an entertaining yet instructive way. 

The topics will range far and wide - curmudgeons DO have a lot to complain about. 

So fasten your seat belts, it's going to be a bumpy ride. Enjoy!