New Jersey

There have been many jokes aimed at NJ from NYC and Hollywood. Actually, some are well-deserved. Not because we citizens aren't hard-working sorts (don't forget, we made like 100 Destroyers for WW II in record time, have most of the leading pharmaceutical companies in the country here and such).

But we also have our politicians. All deserving every NJ joke you can invent.  Democrats mostly, and idiots mostly. They have been stealing from our wallets since before I was born. Pretty good track record. Somehow, all the dying cities around here which lost their manufacturing skills to lower cost, equally competent workers elsewhere (sort of the definition of competition), looked up to their Democrat congressman to save them, rather than save themselves.

And save them they did. For no conscionable reason, just because they had the power to steal money from the rest of us they did it with extraordinary enthusiasm. Not only for the dead cities despite being deservedly dead and too stupid to reinvent themselves, but because the efforts to revive them could help the politicians personally pocket a huge hunk of the proceeds.

Ever heard of retirement "double dipping?" This is where a New Jersey politician finished with one career in public office moves on to another, which has its own medical and retirement package. So he gets to pocket two entire retirement plans at public expense.

You wonder why we are in financial difficulties?

Driving When You're NOT Driving

You've probably, more than once in your life, driven with one of these people. In a normal setting, they are like you or me - pleasant company, normal conversationalists, good humor and such.

But put them behind the wheel of a car and a change comes over them. There is suddenly tension in the air. You are instantly less relaxed than you were just moments ago.  Rather than being a mere passenger, you are thrust into the "assistant driver" role - every slowpoke, errant driver or knucklehead maneuverer is called to YOUR attention.  

You can't simply relax and be a passenger since you are being involved in all the driving decisions this person is making. You might as well do the driving yourself since if you do, at least you have a modicum of control.

As the passenger, you are simply a hapless victim. That's why we curmudgeons do our own driving.

Pooper-Scooper Laws

There was quite a divide amongst the ranks of the Curmudgeon Societé Generale when these laws first appeared. As you can imagine, dog-owning curmudgeons were outraged while we cat owners smiled contentedly. For this curmudgeon, I was all for it, given the dangers of stepping off the curb when visiting big brother Buzz in NYC and soiling a perfectly good pair of Florsheims was still fresh in my mind.

Yet all is not well. Since we live on a quiet street, dog walkers from everywhere walk along our street. Being responsible, civilized sorts, they do pick up, but one apparently spies our trash bins curbside on trash days and promptly tosses their little baggy in it. The garbage guys come, reach in, grab our big bag, inadvertantly leaving the little dog-poop-filled one behind for me. Just great.

I'm setting up my webcam.  I'll get the miscreant.

Femme Fatales

In Hollwood, when some femme fatale sees a spider - or worse a mouse - she screams and jumps up on a handy chair or the toilet.

Let's review here:

Thing 1:  I'll give her the scream - even manly curmudgeons have been known to express surprise with a loud cry.

Thing 2:  Did anyone actually SEE Dr. No?  If it is indeed a spider, three whacks with her shoe and the spider is as flat as a pancake.

And Thing 3: Most women these days carry those 20,000 volt stun guns.  One well-aimed blast and any mouse would be a chunk of carbon.

I think these femmes need better technical advisors - perhaps one from the Curmudgeon Societé Generale...

Watches

Did you know watches had complications?  Sometimes many. I saw an ad for a watch that had a bunch, PLUS:

Tourbillon movement

Glycydur balance wheel with two arms

Skeletonized titanium baseplate

Anticorodal Pb109 aluminum

Fast rotating barrel

Barrel pawl with progressive recoil

A translucent composite case injected with carbon nanotubes

Torque limiting crown

Wire-drawn and microblasted surfaces

Free sprung balance with variable inertia

And it can be yours for a mere $700,000!

The Timex my father gave me for High School graduation didn't have complications - it just kept going and going, as the ads of the day promised.

But if you want to spend $700,000 instead of $12.95 on your watch, expect complications.